Lately I have been thinking about my future quite a bit. Up until this year if you had asked me if I wanted kids I would have told you no. I still don't know if I would want any or not but after being at the preschool it's something I have started to consider. I don't know why but this thought has consumed my mind. It makes me feel very sad though because the more I think about it the more I realize that I won't be able to have my own kids. Physically yes it should be possible but my body wouldn't be able to take it. It'd probably destroy it. Then I also think that I would never want to have a child of my own because then it would have my genes. I've seen the pain in my eyes when I am sick and I know the stress it causes her. I don't want to go through that myself and I don't want my children to have to go through what I have gone through. I have been so unlucky with my health and the thought of having a child go through that all makes me very upset. I would know that it was all my fault.
After all of these thoughts though I have thought about adoption which I actually really love the idea of. I worry that if I had a child with my genes I would be knowingly risking my child for illnesses but if I was to adopt I would be changing a child's life and they would be changing mine. That thought makes me very happy.
My parents just recently adopted three littles one. 2,4 and 6 year old. It was a big change for them since their littlest one is now 14 years old. But after meeting those little kids, I couldn't be any happier for the kids and my parents. Granted my step mom and dad didn't have any health issues that restricted them to have anymore, they said God was calling them to do it. Those kids are now in hands of people that care and love them as if they were their own. I can't imagine the things they went through but for someone to save another child out there from those terrible things and people who don't love and take care of them is so heartbreaking. Adopting is an amazing thing. So happy it's in your mind.
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